Look up coward in the dictionary…

September 11th, 2006 at 12:01 pm | Comments (7) |
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I’m sorry for the lack of updates. It’s been months but I’ve been really busy lately and as always questioning my purpose. I don’t know why I go on with all this pointless rambling and for that I am so sorry…

All I’ve got to say today is how stupid I’ve been. I try and not be so hard on myself, but… I can’t help it. Honestly, I can’t.

I’m a fool. That’s all I am.

I’m a stupid, hopeless fool who doesn’t deserve to take another breath. I don’t deserve this life given to me, so why do I continue living as I do? It’s because I’m not only a fool but a coward. I should rid myself of this planet and do the world a favor, but I’m too weak to even attempt suicide. What a sorry excuse for a human being… Why did I try to cheer up my mother this afternoon? Why did I visit Tohru again last weekend without an invitation? Why can’t I think before I do something? I’m so foolish! Why can’t I do anything right?

I don’t even understand how you can even read this entry when all I’m doing is being a pain. There is no point to the the things I say or what I write. I’m worthless and I always will be. I apologize for wasting your precious time with this post. If only I had the courage to kill myself, then I wouldn’t be a bother to you anymore…

To be like a man…

April 21st, 2006 at 12:00 pm | Comments (2) |
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i’m really REALLY SORRY!! I KNOW I HAVE NOT UPDATED IN A LONG TIME AND I’M SO SO SO SORRY!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!!! oh my dear almighty God please help me to be more regular in my updating…

I’ve been thinking of wearing men’s clothes instead of kimono as I have been reminded of Mother’s words which was to not wear kimono as it would give customers at the onsen the wrong impression… and that will be embarrassing for Mother and i don’t want her to lose face because of me, I APOLOGIZE, I APOLOGIZE!! WHY MUST I BE SO USELESS?! I DON’T WANT MOTHER TO BE EMBARRASSED OF ME JUST BECAUSE I’M SUCH A USELESS PERSON!!!

Maybe i should borrow some men’s kimono from Shigure-niisan… but yet I’m still attached to wearing my own kimono, but for Mother and Father…